Venting

I haven't written anything in a while as I have been trying to get my head together.

As I have said before, I have realised that this particular course at this particular university is not for me and I want to change. I already have an offer for September for a different course at a different uni, but I feel stranded with barely any options. I know there's not going to be a ton of options as it isn't really the norm to back out uni after one semester but I was hoping there was something I could do.

After speaking with Student Welfare, I have ruled out staying at uni and just dealing with it, as it is no good for my mental health. My options are as follows:

• Try to advertise the room in my house and move back home and start working
• Quit uni, stay living here and find a job

But my house is a bus ride and a pretty lousy walk away from the university and town centre. Plus it's the second semester. Anyone wanting a house will have one by now. I also will have to stay at uni and wait for someone to take an interest...and I have no idea how long that will be. It probably won't happen.

So basically my options are as follows:

• Quit uni, stay living here and find a job

Seems simple enough. But the lack of support from my parents is making it ten times harder to think straight and feel confident that this is the right thing to do. My parents are supportive. They've done so much for me and have always encouraged me to do well and be independent. But that's at times when I don't really need it. I've never had any tough decisions to make. I've never had any tricky situations that I need to figure out. The one time when I really need their support, they are talking me out of everything I want to do. Not only am I at the other side of the country, I am stuck doing something I resent which is driving my passion for learning away, I have barely anyone I know and this is the time I really need them to be there. I don't want advice, I just want them to tell me it will be okay.

I'm going to be 20 this year for Christ's sake. If I'm old enough to sign contracts for houses and stuff, surely I'm old enough to make my own decisions of what is best for me.

When putting this into perspective, it seems silly, really. It's what...five months of my life? Whether I'm staying at uni for the rest of this year or working...it is five months of my life, why does it matter?

Anyway I'll be busy sorting my life out (hiding under my duvets) for a while so I'll be back soon

JP x