Unbelievably settled in

Now the first few weeks are done I am feeling so much more confident and happy here in Leeds. In fact, I absolutely fucking love it! And I feel like I am actually sleeping in my own bed now!

I have been SO busy but I have SO many things I need to write about so I will get to it next week!

I'm in a catch 22 here because I love writing, but when I'm happy I tend to write less because I'm out being a happy little nutcase, but when I seem to write more I'm not as happy.

University homesickness

I've been away from home for about two weeks now and the homesickness is kicking in. But the thing about this 'homesickness' is that I'm not missing home per se. I'm missing stability and familiarity that I had when I was back home.

As I went to uni last year and dropped out, all my friends are in their second year of university now, whereas I'm a fresher again. So this means I'm at the stage where I don't really know anybody, I don't exactly know my way around; it's all brand new. Although this is an amazing, exciting time and although I know everyone else is feeling like this, I still feel like a little lost sheep. I'm at the age, or maturity level or whatever, where I don't feel like an actual fresher. All of my friends have their solid friendship groups at uni, they have jobs, everything's sorted. I like stability. At home I had my long term boyfriend, my family and friends, my job. Now I have none of that on my doorstep.

As much as I love partying and the freshers lifestyle, I'm also looking forward to it being halfway into the year; when I'm settled, I know what I'm doing, and that my shitty little student flat feels a bit more like home.

University: attempt 2

I am so disappointed in myself. I have been too busy to even open up my laptop, let alone think about writing a blog post. I have been constantly working at one of the fancy, well hidden restaurants in Hull, and if I've ever not been at work I have been spending as much time as I can with my boyfriend before we part for our lives in separate cities.

But here I am. Finally at uni. Again. Wow.

Surely the fact I've already experienced university life would make me a lot less nervous at the idea of starting again? Nowhere near. In fact it completely terrifies me. I went once and hated  it. This is my last chance and I have to get it right this time. I do not want to have another bad experience, I do not want my passion for something to be driven out of me. Most of all, I don't want to let my parents down. I dropped out of my last uni. I was a d r o p o u t. Imagine my mum having to explain my situation to an old relative she was having a little catch up with. Imagine how many times she'll have wanted to just say "Aw yeah she's doing really well" and let the conversation pass over.

No, not this time. This is the time I'm going to get it right. Last year did lead me in the right direction, I just took a detour on the way. And I will look back and think it was a good thing. It has made me determined to really grab this year by the balls and make it work. I'm going to work as hard as I possibly can, make as many memories and friends as I possibly can and actually give my parents something to be proud of. Yes Mum, you tell Jane from work how well I'm doing and actually mean it.

Living at home vs Living on your own

Moving out. Buying new décor, packing your stuff, squeezing it into the car. It’s one of the most stressful yet exciting times. I love living away from my parents but obviously there are factors that would keep me living with Mummy and Daddy dearest. Let's see...

Pros of living at home

·         Less responsibilities

When living at home, you don’t need to worry about running out of milk or detergent or toilet roll- that’s not your job.

·         Home comforts

Those little things like your mum bringing you a cup of tea when you’re ill, or little family traditions. They’re what you tend to miss.

·         No housemates

Like many people my age, nobody moves out on their very own straight away, there are housemates.  And that means new annoying habits to get used to. It’s okay when it’s your family, you love them unconditionally and you’re used to the annoying things they do. I’m not used to having someone barging in at 5am absolutely inebriated, that’s what I do. It’s only okay when I do that.

·         Nicer house

There’s no denying it; student houses are vile. No matter how nice they start off, they will end up completely inhabitable. Students don’t care about anything. And the landlords don’t care that much either. My parents’ house is so cosy and warm and generally nice, nothing can beat that.

·         The cost

Living with your parents is inevitably cheaper than living on your own. Food shopping, bills, everything is paid for, you just have to worry about paying your keep, and if your parents are generous, that won’t be much at all.

·         It can get kind of lonely

With everyone’s different schedules, and the fact these people aren’t your family, it means you can feel a bit lonely at times. Especially if you’re going through a shitty time, there’s nothing you want more than an encouraging hug from your mum or dad and when that’s not there, it can be a bit crap.

Pros of living on your own

·         The independence

Oh Lord the independence. When I first moved out I felt like a baby bird leaving the nest and becoming a freakin strong as hell independent bird flying around the skies and buying as many pop tarts as it wants.

·         NO RULES

I know this makes me sound like a child, but the fact I wouldn’t have my mother moaning in my ear about not taking my plate out immediately after I had my last forkful was just lovely. Although I couldn’t really be told what to do as an adult living at home, it didn’t mean it wasn’t the end of complaining about the volume of my music, my intake of alcohol, the “wasted” money on Lush products.

·         Doing my own laundry

This may not be the case for everyone, but doing my own laundry and only mine means there is no mix up with any clothes and I know where all of my clothes are at all times. At home, there’s me, my sister and my mum who all have the same leggings, tights, vests etc and there is something at least every wash that goes missing.

·         Food shopping

Although realising you are out of milk and loo roll, as I have mentioned, is one of the most irritating things, I can buy whatever food I want. I can buy the “disgusting” chilli sauce I like. I can buy ramen noodles. I can buy all of the food my mum and dad refuse to spend their money on.

·         The housemates

Although they’re annoying, you love them. They’re fun, always down for a good time and won’t tell you you’re too drunk. Living with a bunch of pals is one of the most annoying, yet most fun thing in the world. Plus there’s almost always somebody awake who will be willing to drive me to McDonalds (because I can’t drive you see cry cry).

Okay so we can see that pretty much all of my reasons for living away from home revolve around me being able to do what I want and pretty much be a disgusting human being but that is what I want at my age. I want fun. But I also want to save money. But I also want fun. But it’s always nice to have a warm, clean house. But I can buy copious amounts of Pop Tarts and drink cider at 10am if I live on my own…I think we know which side wins.

University

Today I am writing my personal statement for the second time.
I'm currently studying English Language and French at Chester. It sounds pleasant, yeah. Chester is a lovely place, yeah. But it's not my thing.
I feel like I'm trapped in a tiny city doing something I hate. I mean most people feel like that when they're stuck in a dead-end job in Runcorn or somewhere. I should be having the time of my life and be interested and inspired but I'm not. So what am I doing? Running away.

In all honesty I don't actually see it as running away, I see it as changing something in your life that is not making you happy, in order to be happy. And I see nothing wrong with that. My parents think otherwise. I know life is complex but I think people make it a lot more complex than it actually is. If you don't like something- change it.

So I'm sat in my living room at my family home in Yorkshire on a chair so big I can sleep on, earphones in listening to "La Belle Mixtape - The Good Life", eating garlic bread and writing about myself. Pretty content. I find it hilarious how everyone hates writing personal statements. 47 lines isn't enough to write about myself. I love writing and I love talking about myself, I'm not going to deny it. It's cringy as Hell, but I love it.

JP x