Now the first few weeks are done I am feeling so much more confident and happy here in Leeds. In fact, I absolutely fucking love it! And I feel like I am actually sleeping in my own bed now!
I have been SO busy but I have SO many things I need to write about so I will get to it next week!
I'm in a catch 22 here because I love writing, but when I'm happy I tend to write less because I'm out being a happy little nutcase, but when I seem to write more I'm not as happy.
Showing posts with label leeds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label leeds. Show all posts
Wednesday, 7 October 2015
Tuesday, 29 September 2015
University homesickness
I've been away from home for about two weeks now and the homesickness is kicking in. But the thing about this 'homesickness' is that I'm not missing home per se. I'm missing stability and familiarity that I had when I was back home.
As I went to uni last year and dropped out, all my friends are in their second year of university now, whereas I'm a fresher again. So this means I'm at the stage where I don't really know anybody, I don't exactly know my way around; it's all brand new. Although this is an amazing, exciting time and although I know everyone else is feeling like this, I still feel like a little lost sheep. I'm at the age, or maturity level or whatever, where I don't feel like an actual fresher. All of my friends have their solid friendship groups at uni, they have jobs, everything's sorted. I like stability. At home I had my long term boyfriend, my family and friends, my job. Now I have none of that on my doorstep.
As much as I love partying and the freshers lifestyle, I'm also looking forward to it being halfway into the year; when I'm settled, I know what I'm doing, and that my shitty little student flat feels a bit more like home.
As I went to uni last year and dropped out, all my friends are in their second year of university now, whereas I'm a fresher again. So this means I'm at the stage where I don't really know anybody, I don't exactly know my way around; it's all brand new. Although this is an amazing, exciting time and although I know everyone else is feeling like this, I still feel like a little lost sheep. I'm at the age, or maturity level or whatever, where I don't feel like an actual fresher. All of my friends have their solid friendship groups at uni, they have jobs, everything's sorted. I like stability. At home I had my long term boyfriend, my family and friends, my job. Now I have none of that on my doorstep.
As much as I love partying and the freshers lifestyle, I'm also looking forward to it being halfway into the year; when I'm settled, I know what I'm doing, and that my shitty little student flat feels a bit more like home.
Thursday, 17 September 2015
University: attempt 2
I am so disappointed in myself. I have been too busy to even open up my laptop, let alone think about writing a blog post. I have been constantly working at one of the fancy, well hidden restaurants in Hull, and if I've ever not been at work I have been spending as much time as I can with my boyfriend before we part for our lives in separate cities.
But here I am. Finally at uni. Again. Wow.
Surely the fact I've already experienced university life would make me a lot less nervous at the idea of starting again? Nowhere near. In fact it completely terrifies me. I went once and hated it. This is my last chance and I have to get it right this time. I do not want to have another bad experience, I do not want my passion for something to be driven out of me. Most of all, I don't want to let my parents down. I dropped out of my last uni. I was a d r o p o u t. Imagine my mum having to explain my situation to an old relative she was having a little catch up with. Imagine how many times she'll have wanted to just say "Aw yeah she's doing really well" and let the conversation pass over.
No, not this time. This is the time I'm going to get it right. Last year did lead me in the right direction, I just took a detour on the way. And I will look back and think it was a good thing. It has made me determined to really grab this year by the balls and make it work. I'm going to work as hard as I possibly can, make as many memories and friends as I possibly can and actually give my parents something to be proud of. Yes Mum, you tell Jane from work how well I'm doing and actually mean it.
But here I am. Finally at uni. Again. Wow.
Surely the fact I've already experienced university life would make me a lot less nervous at the idea of starting again? Nowhere near. In fact it completely terrifies me. I went once and hated it. This is my last chance and I have to get it right this time. I do not want to have another bad experience, I do not want my passion for something to be driven out of me. Most of all, I don't want to let my parents down. I dropped out of my last uni. I was a d r o p o u t. Imagine my mum having to explain my situation to an old relative she was having a little catch up with. Imagine how many times she'll have wanted to just say "Aw yeah she's doing really well" and let the conversation pass over.
No, not this time. This is the time I'm going to get it right. Last year did lead me in the right direction, I just took a detour on the way. And I will look back and think it was a good thing. It has made me determined to really grab this year by the balls and make it work. I'm going to work as hard as I possibly can, make as many memories and friends as I possibly can and actually give my parents something to be proud of. Yes Mum, you tell Jane from work how well I'm doing and actually mean it.
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