I've been away from home for about two weeks now and the homesickness is kicking in. But the thing about this 'homesickness' is that I'm not missing home per se. I'm missing stability and familiarity that I had when I was back home.
As I went to uni last year and dropped out, all my friends are in their second year of university now, whereas I'm a fresher again. So this means I'm at the stage where I don't really know anybody, I don't exactly know my way around; it's all brand new. Although this is an amazing, exciting time and although I know everyone else is feeling like this, I still feel like a little lost sheep. I'm at the age, or maturity level or whatever, where I don't feel like an actual fresher. All of my friends have their solid friendship groups at uni, they have jobs, everything's sorted. I like stability. At home I had my long term boyfriend, my family and friends, my job. Now I have none of that on my doorstep.
As much as I love partying and the freshers lifestyle, I'm also looking forward to it being halfway into the year; when I'm settled, I know what I'm doing, and that my shitty little student flat feels a bit more like home.
Tuesday 29 September 2015
Sunday 27 September 2015
1.5 weeks living away
I've been moved into my university accommodation for about a week and a half and here is how I am getting on.
I wasn't actually living at home before I moved to Leeds for uni. I was pretty much living with my boyfriend, Josh, at his parents house. I had all of my clothes and make up there. I even had a toothbrush, a razor and tampons there. That definitely means I made it- tampons! I saw my mum and dad now and then but I was almost 20, I didn't feel the need to see them everyday. Therefore I'm not homesick nor do I miss my parents that much. The one thing that I cannot cope with is not seeing Josh. I'm Joshsick. The worst thing is I have been with him the majority of this week. He lives in Sheffield for uni, which is about an hour away, so I've been to his twice and he's been to mine. And I miss him already. When I first moved away to Chester, me and Josh were nowhere near as close as we are now. I missed my parents probably more than I did him. But now I feel pathetic. I want to be a strong independent young woman who can stand on her own two feet yet somehow I cannot bear to not be around him.
The fact I have no parents around doesn't concern me as I wasn't really living at home before I moved. I know how to take care of myself. I've avoided doing any laundry thus far- I know it hasn't been long but I seem to have gone through a lot of pants. I also appear to have forgotten all of my socks. So I'm probably going to just have to buy new ones instead of washing because the cost to use the washing machine and dryer is complete extortion. Really, a joke.
Fresher's week is obviously a time to get absolutely trollied with a load of strangers while finding out how much of a slut your flatmate is in "Never Have I Ever...". So obviously I have done that. Last night I managed to stumble into bed, get halfway through the process of setting my alarm and then fall fast asleep. I woke up this morning ten minutes after the ID check enrolment drop in session had FINISHED. Fab start really. But my alarm is now set for tomorrow and I'm ready.
I wasn't actually living at home before I moved to Leeds for uni. I was pretty much living with my boyfriend, Josh, at his parents house. I had all of my clothes and make up there. I even had a toothbrush, a razor and tampons there. That definitely means I made it- tampons! I saw my mum and dad now and then but I was almost 20, I didn't feel the need to see them everyday. Therefore I'm not homesick nor do I miss my parents that much. The one thing that I cannot cope with is not seeing Josh. I'm Joshsick. The worst thing is I have been with him the majority of this week. He lives in Sheffield for uni, which is about an hour away, so I've been to his twice and he's been to mine. And I miss him already. When I first moved away to Chester, me and Josh were nowhere near as close as we are now. I missed my parents probably more than I did him. But now I feel pathetic. I want to be a strong independent young woman who can stand on her own two feet yet somehow I cannot bear to not be around him.
The fact I have no parents around doesn't concern me as I wasn't really living at home before I moved. I know how to take care of myself. I've avoided doing any laundry thus far- I know it hasn't been long but I seem to have gone through a lot of pants. I also appear to have forgotten all of my socks. So I'm probably going to just have to buy new ones instead of washing because the cost to use the washing machine and dryer is complete extortion. Really, a joke.
Fresher's week is obviously a time to get absolutely trollied with a load of strangers while finding out how much of a slut your flatmate is in "Never Have I Ever...". So obviously I have done that. Last night I managed to stumble into bed, get halfway through the process of setting my alarm and then fall fast asleep. I woke up this morning ten minutes after the ID check enrolment drop in session had FINISHED. Fab start really. But my alarm is now set for tomorrow and I'm ready.
Thursday 17 September 2015
University: attempt 2
I am so disappointed in myself. I have been too busy to even open up my laptop, let alone think about writing a blog post. I have been constantly working at one of the fancy, well hidden restaurants in Hull, and if I've ever not been at work I have been spending as much time as I can with my boyfriend before we part for our lives in separate cities.
But here I am. Finally at uni. Again. Wow.
Surely the fact I've already experienced university life would make me a lot less nervous at the idea of starting again? Nowhere near. In fact it completely terrifies me. I went once and hated it. This is my last chance and I have to get it right this time. I do not want to have another bad experience, I do not want my passion for something to be driven out of me. Most of all, I don't want to let my parents down. I dropped out of my last uni. I was a d r o p o u t. Imagine my mum having to explain my situation to an old relative she was having a little catch up with. Imagine how many times she'll have wanted to just say "Aw yeah she's doing really well" and let the conversation pass over.
No, not this time. This is the time I'm going to get it right. Last year did lead me in the right direction, I just took a detour on the way. And I will look back and think it was a good thing. It has made me determined to really grab this year by the balls and make it work. I'm going to work as hard as I possibly can, make as many memories and friends as I possibly can and actually give my parents something to be proud of. Yes Mum, you tell Jane from work how well I'm doing and actually mean it.
But here I am. Finally at uni. Again. Wow.
Surely the fact I've already experienced university life would make me a lot less nervous at the idea of starting again? Nowhere near. In fact it completely terrifies me. I went once and hated it. This is my last chance and I have to get it right this time. I do not want to have another bad experience, I do not want my passion for something to be driven out of me. Most of all, I don't want to let my parents down. I dropped out of my last uni. I was a d r o p o u t. Imagine my mum having to explain my situation to an old relative she was having a little catch up with. Imagine how many times she'll have wanted to just say "Aw yeah she's doing really well" and let the conversation pass over.
No, not this time. This is the time I'm going to get it right. Last year did lead me in the right direction, I just took a detour on the way. And I will look back and think it was a good thing. It has made me determined to really grab this year by the balls and make it work. I'm going to work as hard as I possibly can, make as many memories and friends as I possibly can and actually give my parents something to be proud of. Yes Mum, you tell Jane from work how well I'm doing and actually mean it.
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