Amsterdam

So I've just got back from Amsterdam!

I haven't been to that many countries but I can easily say that Amsterdam is the cutest place I have ever been.

The only downside was that most of the trip was spent on the ferry because it was the Dutch Dash from Hull to Rotterdam.

Amsterdam canals.

The first thing we did when we got there was have a Mcdonalds. Soaking up the culture straight away. But then we went to the Sexmuseum. The first thing we see as we walk in is a mannequin dressed in gimp attire. We then take about three steps forward to see moving statues of a woman giving a man a handjob accompanied by the sound of sexual moans. Upstairs was home to a load of historical things such as old plates with drawings of acts of fellatio and sodomy on them. And there was also two giant penis chairs, which were a lot taller than me, sat in a room where porn is just playing on a telly in the corner. The only thing I managed to get a photo of was this cheeky robotic man who every so often would give you a flash.

While there were people looking really serious and intrigued as if they were learning about the history of their nation, I found it particularly awkward trying to make sure I didn't look too amused or too disturbed.

Overall from this museum the main thing I did learn is that female genital shaving/waxing did not used to be very popular. At all.

Although I find giant dicks funny, I can also appreciate the architecture.

We went on to search for the Red Light District for 75 hours, which did end up finding. You've got to hand it to the women in those windows, they are gorgeous, they look airbrushed! On the way we popped into a sex shop which was nothing after seeing the giant dicks in the sexmuseum but when you realise that some of these rubber willies the size of my entire arm are actual used for sexual pleasure it is a bit freaky.

Some of the locks on the canal bridge.

After we had a look at the ladies in lingerie and the old men loitering around, deciding which one it will be today, we had a chill in the Bulldog coffee shop. Which is one of the best, chilled out places I have ever been. 10/10 would recommend.

The Bulldog coffeeshop, Amsterdam.

Of course after soaking up the rest of the culture, such as the million bikes and the cute locks of people who probably hate each other now on the bridges, I of course had to buy a tacky souvenir. But behold, this isn't a shitty ashtray or a fridge magnet...it is SLIPPERS SHAPED LIKE CLOGGS. 

They are the best things I have ever placed on my feet and I consider this a fabulous investment.

The roads were scary though. It's as though they have no rules. Everyone speeds around the street, trams and bikes everywhere, while mindless tourists meander in the way of everything. Once I get over the fear of being mowed down, I would love to ride around the streets of Amsterdam on a bike.

Neon bicycle by the canal (as if dinging your bell repeatedly isn't going to get you noticed).

To conclude, Amsterdam is my new favourite place and I will be going back there as soon as it is humanly possible.